Thursday 23 February 2012

Ooohhh two short replies from Carlos!

I had  two short but  surprise messages from Carlos today. What a charmer!!


i thought u will not surrender this maga

 and:

 U mother sucker go and suck ur mother's pussy

A final goodbye from me!

I thought I would just send Carlos one final message! Wonder if he will reply? lol!


Dearest Carlos

You mugu!

Go try and scam some other sucker you foolish mugu!!

Was fun whilst it lasted lol!!

Byeee!!!!

Tuesday 21 February 2012

One final message fromCarlos.

Well it was fun whilst it lasted! Goodbye Carlos you mugu and thanks for the laughs!!


thanks for taking your time exchanging fowl mails,is like you don't have anything to do that is why you are so much writing,i know from day one that you are fake but i am just pretending that is why i am following you up,if you want to continue writing fine i am ready to wast your time.

He thinks I am a game old bird! ~ A message from Carlos.

Oh dear. It seems Carlos has sussed me!! He thinks I am playing a fowl game!! Sod him!! Plenty more mugu's out there!


Let me just tell u this,i knew for long that you are a liar and not what you claim to be,i am just following you to know where your story will end,now that you know i doubt you send me your phone number this is the only deal we have now. Every of your world shows that you are a liar,Europe cheque  don't work here,you are playing fowl game

A message to Carlos - RickRolled!

Do you think he will get the joke?!!


Carlos.

I am so consumed with love for you that I cannot stop thinking about you. Despite my last email, I still love you. In fact, I love you so much that I wrote a poem for you to express how I feel. I hope you like it.



Ooh ooh

We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but
You're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

(Ooh, give you up)
(Ooh, give you up)
(Ooh)
Never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)
(Ooh)
Never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)

We've know each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but
You're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you


All my love from Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A message to Carlos - I am hurt.

I kind of lost my way a bit with Carlos lately. But after a couple of weeks of ignoring him, I thought I would email him and see if I get a response. Let's see if he replies.


Dear Carlos

I am hurt. I am cut to the quick as you doubt my love for you.  How can you say that I am playing games with you? How dare you?


I haven't replied before now as I wanted to give you a chance to apologise once the cheque I sent to the hotel had been received and cleared. Yes Carlos, I sent a cheque to the hotel manager to enable the full payment of your outstanding bill. There has been ample time for the cheque to arrive and be cashed but as of now, it remains uncashed.  Why is this? Does the hotel not want your bill to be paid?  Have you managed to pay it some other way? Or did you just do a runner like I suggested before?


Oh Carlos, how did our happy little love affair end up like this? I really thought we had something special. Now I feel as if you hate me. When did our sweet love turn so sour?


Money is evil Carlos. It brings nothing but emptiness and pain to our lives. There are far more important things in life my dearest.


Anyway, on that note I shall take my broken heart and go and cuddle a sheep. At least they still love me :(


Forever yours


Tess xxxxxx

Thursday 9 February 2012

He's hurt! - A message from Carlos.

Ooohhhh Carlos is getting tetchy now! He's hurt and thinks I am playing with him. The cheek of the  man! Hopefully I can keep him dangling a little while longer :)


Hello Sweetie,

From this i know that you are only playing with me i felt so hurt right now,you did not phone anybody the phone i gave you is the direct office phone number of the hotel manager,for me to believe that you are real give me your phone number so that i can speak with you. I gave you my number you never dare call me and you never give me your number what love do you have for me? No the country is calm go and OK your air ticket and come over since you are finding it so difficult to pay my hotel bill.Looking forward to your mail.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.

Wednesday 8 February 2012

Carlos in a brothel? A message to Carlos.

Oh Carlos, are you really staying in a brothel? How very dare you!!


Dear Carlos


Thank you for your recent emails. I have to say that I am extremely hurt that you should dare to question my love for you. Carlos, do I mean so little to you? I have stuck by you through all this and that is how you repay me? I am cut to the quick, my heart is in tatters.


Despite all this, despite your obvious mistrust and lack of faith in me, I once again called the number you gave me for the hotel. I double checked before I dialled to make sure it was correct. This was how the conversation went :


Me : Hello, can I speak to TESLIME NOUREDINE NDIAYE please?

Them : Pardon?

Me :
can I speak to TESLIME NOUREDINE NDIAYE please?

Them : You wish make visit?

Me: Errmm no, I am phoning to pay an outstanding hotel bill.

Them : Cost 23,346.2 CFA for inside sex,  15,564.1 CFA for sucky and 11,673.1 CFA for hand

Me : I beg your pardon?

Them : That price list for servicings.

Me : No! I want to pay Mr Carlos Perez outstanding hotel bill.

Them : We no hotel. We sex house. You come stay. We lovely ladies. Good sexings.

Me : No thank you. I want to talk to the manager of La Raven Hotel. I need to pay a bill for my husband to be. His name is Carlos Perez

Them : No Carlos here. You want work here? You nice sexy lady? You nice clean lady bits?

Me : How dare you! I am soon to be married. Are you sure this is not La Raven?

Them : No La Raven here.

Me : Do you have a number for La Raven Hotel then please?

Them : You want make sex with lady?

Me : NO!!!

At this point I had had enough and hung up.  I am so sorry to have to ask you this Carlos but are you infact staying at a brothel, a house of ill repute? The woman I spoke to was adamant that it was not a hotel and definately not La Raven. Are you absolutely sure you gave me the correct name and number Carlos?
I have to admit I feel rather shaken up by all this . One part of me hopes it has all been a big mistake and you gave me the wromg number. What will I do if you really have been staying in a brothel? You could have caught some nasty disease or anything. Oh the shame. It's like something off Jeremy Kyle. Oh Carlos, I am all in a tizz now and have even had to have a glass of port to calm my nerves.

Please reply as soon as possible and let me know what the hell is going on.

Yours

Tess xxxx

Carlos wants to 'join me up' - a message from Carlos.

Carlos wants to 'join me up soon'. I am a bit worried that he may have some kind of wierd 'human centipede' type fetish going on. Should I bail out now or keep him hanging a little while longer? Oh go on then!!


Hello Sweetie,

How are you doing this morning? I assume you are doing great,honey please do something fast so that i can join you up soon,my life is wasting away here and the hotel manager is giving my tough time here,he want me to pay his money and check out of the hotel,honey this is taking too long,this is just a matter of you transferring the money to the hotel manager then i can leave here as soon as possible,have a wonderful morning.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.

Tuesday 7 February 2012

He's questioning my love for him - a message from Carlos.

How very dare he!! Carlos is questioning  my love for him because I asked him to do a runner from the hotel. The cheek of the man!!

Hello Sweetie,

Thanks for your mail,i am happy that the church community dig you out of snow,this year weather is so terrible.The number i gave you is very correct you have to check what you are dialing to see if you are dialing the right number i gave you.Honey why do you suggest that i should run away over night? I can't do this i have to pay for whatever i use,i am not that type of a man will reap from someone's sweat i don't do that,by suggesting this, that means you are not ready to help me,why should i run to the airport without having my ticket on my hand? Honey this is not a good suggestion for me,i have to pay my hotel bill and get a return ticket back to the UK. this is our plan why are you trying to suggest another thing that wont work? I am a man that have fear of God irrespective of what i am passing through here. I have a question for you,does that mean you find it so difficult to help me pay my hotel bill? I explain to you about the present situation of this country and i have to leave here before the election time otherwise i will be in danger. Please do something about this so that i can  go back. Honey do you really love me? I ask for your phone number and you didn't give me,please let me have your phone number if truly you love me. Looking forward to your mail.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.

Pastor G.Spot to the rescue! A message to Carlos.

As Carlos is such a good law abiding citizen, I wonder if I can  persuade him to  break the law?


Dearest Carlos.

How are you today my darling? I hope you are well and not suffereing too much.


My phone line is now fixed so I managed a few calls today thank goodness. Now I am by no means a religious woman but being stranded and in the predicament I have found myself in, I thought a call to the local church would possibly bring me the help I needed. This morning I called the local parish vicarage and spoke to Pastor G.Spot. He is a kindly man and I explained my situation, me being incapacitated and snowed in and he agreed that he would summon some of the church community to come and help dig me out. Oh Carlos, they were wonderful! They came armed with shovels and grit and got to it straight away. As soon as a path was cleared, Sister Sledge the parish Nun came in and gave me some delicious home made soup. I invited them all in for hot drinks and oh how we laughed at how useless the sheep had been in summoning help for me!


So, at last I am free from my snowy prison. I guess I now know what it is like to be an eskimo lol!


I rang the hotel today on the number you gave me but for some reason it was not recognised, Can you check it is the correct number please?


I do have another idea though Carlos. Do you like a a bit of excitement in your life? I do!! Are you up for a bit of a challenge? Yes?!!! Ok!! Well, I think you should do a runner from the hotel! I think you should sneak out in the middle of the night when all is quiet and make a run for it!! If you can get to the airport, there will be a ticket waiting for you I promise. As long as you tell me which day you intend to abscond then I will arrange the rest for you. How very exciting it would be. Carlos, you would be a fugitive, a lone figure on the run. Have you any idea how much that turns me on? Oooh Carlos  I am getting all unnecessary!! Please say you will do it for me Carlos!


I await your speedy reply!


All my love and devotion


Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Monday 6 February 2012

Snowed in with broken internets ~ a message to Carlos

He's been patient so I thought I'd send him a quick reply. I am snowed in and going nowhere including the bank!!



Hello my gorgeous husband to be!!


Sorry for not being in touch with you for a few days. It has been a complete nightmare here! I don't know if you have managed to see the news for the UK but we have been hit by the most terrible weather. Here in Slutsbury~in~Gussett we had the most unbelevable snow storm I have ever experienced. The sheer intensity and volume of snow broke the internets. The poles holding it up were brought crashing down, damaging the cables and making the internets well and truely broken. The phone lines were also damaged so I have had no contact with the outside world for 3 days now.


The villiage in which I live is down in a valley so we were hit very hard by the snow rolling down the hills and gathering at the bottom. My house is a large detached house with no immediate neighbours so i was very isolated. I soon became completely snowed in. The snow reached up above the ground floor windows in massive drifts and I couldn't get out of the house. Even if I could have escaped, I woudn't have got very far with my missing foot. Oh Carlos, I was so scared. Snowed in, all alone and with no form of contact available to me.


I wrote a note and put it in an envelope tied to a loop of string which I managed to hook round the neck of one of the sheep in my garden by leaning out of the upstairs window and using one of my crutches as a kind of fishing rod. But Carlos, as much as I love sheep, they are dumb creatures and the stupid animal just stood there instead of going for help. I suppose I cant blame the sheep really. After all, it's not a carrier pigeon is it? Thankfully I had enough food in the house to see me through so have managed to eat and keep warm. This morning, at long last, the internets have been fixed so my first thought was to contact you. I am still snowed in so can't get anywhere at the moment which is a pain. Hopefully either the snow will melt or someone will come and dig me out soon.



Take care Carlos and I shall be in touch soon


All my love


Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

May I have your attention please? A message from Carlos.

Carlos is getting impatient. He wants my constant attention as well as my money!!



Hello Sweetie,

How are you doing this wonderful Sunday? I have not heard from you,please always give me your attention so that i can always know what to do here,i am facing hell here,i wish you you help me with some money to set up the account everything would have be over by now,please help em to pay the hotel bill and get me a ticket to return back to the UK so that we can plan our life together. Terrible things are happening here and i am not safe i have to leave here soon.I can't wait to see you,have a wonderful night.
Love and kisses,a
Carlos.

Friday 3 February 2012

A message from Carlos - his life is in danger.

How very fortuitous for Carlos that there are riots in Senegal. He couldn't have timed it better really could he?  So, his life is in danger and he needs me to bail him out!  He's going to have a long wait! Ooh Iam a hard hearted bitch!


Hello Sweetie,

Thanks for your quick response,Senegal is not a safe place now due to ongoing riot,all the embassies are warning their citizen to avoid traveling to Senegal throughout this month because the election will take place on 26th of this month and a lots of things may happen,honey i am afraid now because it seems my life is in danger so i do like to leave here now,please do something about quickly about my hotel bill and my air ticket so that i can go back to the UK. I told the hotel manager that my wife promise to send the money to his account and this morning he said he has given me enough time,i must pay my bill and check out,honey it seems that i am joking with him you know  African mentality is too low,please save me from this embarrassment.I can't wait to be with you.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.   

Thursday 2 February 2012

A reply to Carlos.

A quick reply to Carlos telling him I am no longer flying out to see him :(


Dear Carlos.

I have just checked my emails before bed and it is a good job I did too. The situation out there sounds terrible so of course I will not fly out. I have cancelled my ticket and shall await your next email with more details.


Please do take care of yourself my darling and please contact me again as soon as possible.


All my love


Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I predict a riot - a reply from Carlos.

Oh dear. There seems to be riots in Sengal due to  President Abdoulaye Wade's announcement he would seek a third term, which the opposition says is unconstitutional. Bad timing for me to visit? Carlos thinks so. How very convenient for him!



Hello Sweetie,

This is just a short notice and i will write later tonight,you shouldn't  have to come here because is not safe there is ongoing riot in Dakar now i am always indoor now because the riot has claimed the life of so many people so cancel your air ticket. Here is the link of some of the things that is happening here...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-16830678


http://www.pretorianews.co.za/social-inequalities-fuel-anti-wade-protests-1.1226224


http://www.capitalfm.co.ke/news/2012/01/riots-in-senegal-as-wade-cleared-for-third-term-bid/


Go through all this link and know what is happening here,so just go and cancel your air ticket right away.I am in danger here no movement.I will mail you later.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.

A reply to Carlos - Humping dogs saved my life!

I thought I would let Carlos sweat for a bit! I wonder how he will feel about having a lunatic for a brother-in-law and the fact that I am about to turn up at his hotel and drag him back to England?




Hello Carlos my wonderful and understanding fiance.


Oh what a day monday turned out to be! I went for my hospital appointment at 9:30am like I told you. All is well with my stump. It's healed really well and within a few weeks I should be able to start wearing a false foot. I am thinking about having one with both our names inscribed on it. How romantic would that be eh Carlos?

Anyway after the hospital I made my way to the prison where my brother John is currently incarcerated. I do try to get to visit him as often as possible but haven't been for a while due to the pig/foot related incident. He was overjoyed to see me Carlos, he always is. He does love his little sister!! I told him all about you Carlos, how wonderful you are, how virile and Mexican. I was full of excitement about our upcoming wedding and told John all about my plans, me in my huge , floaty dress and you in your top hat and tails.

Well, what happened next was somewhat of a surprise! He became very very angry Carlos. John started hitting his fists against the table and saying that he hated you. "No greasy mexican man is taking my sister away from me." I was shocked! I asked him to calm down but he just got more and more irate. The next minute, he stood up and flung the table up in the air and started screaming that he was going to kill you! I tried to explain that I wouldn't be going anywhere and that you would come to live with me and that all woud be fine. Well Carlos, he was not having any of it! He went completely insane, throwing chairs and tables about and running around like a lunatic. He then made a lunge for me, grabbing me and dragging me into a corner shouting "You're mine! No-one is taking you away from me." I was terrified Carlos. He is my brother and I love him dearly but I was scared.

The prison guards ushered everyone else out of the visiting room and called for the govenor to come and try and resolve the situation. He sat and talked to him but he wouldn't let me go. He then started rambling on and on about the aliens again and how you were an alien and not really a mexican love god. He said he'd had a vision that you'd been sent to earth to mate with me and produce half alien half human babies that were destined to take over the world. He was saying such dreadful things. It was terrible to hear and upset me greatly. Well we sat there for hours and hours with him muttering on and on. Then the strangest thing happened. The one window in the visiting room looks out onto a large grassed area. Two dogs wandered across the grass, sniffing each other and playing a game of chase. Then as dogs often do, one mounted the other and started humping it! John saw this out  of the corner of his eye and started to giggle. He let go of me, jumped up and ran to the window. "Look, dogs humping!" he shouted, laughing as he said it! That's the thing with humping dogs, you don't want to look but you are compelled to do so and I defy anyone not to laugh!! So, as John stood there giggling like a child, the guards managed to overpower him and drag me to safety. To say I was relieved was an understatement.

The guards were ever so nice to me. They made me a cup of tea and even gave me a bun to go with it. John now has to undergo a series of psychological assesments and may have to be moved to a top security  phsychiatric institution for his own safety. I forgive him though and understand his jealousy as I am all he has left in the world. I do hope having a dangerous, mentally unstable brother in law won't put you off marrying me Carlos.

I was quite shaken up after the whole incident and have decided that I could do with a short holiday. So guess what Carlos? I have decided to kill two birds with one stone and come out to Senegal!!  Yes Carlos, I am coming out there to be with you!!  I have booked my plane ticket. I leave London Heathrow at 10:25am tomorrow and arrive in Dakar at 19:45. As I have the address of the hotel you are staying in, I shall make my way there to come and be with you!! I will pay your outstanding bill and then we can transfer back to the Raddisson Blu hotel that you were previously staying in as that sould much nicer. I thought I may stay for 5 days so we are both booked on the  10:17am flight back home on Thursday. I am just so excited Carlos. Finally we get to meet! I have printed off the pictures you sent me so I know who I am looking for! I really hope you will be wearing your cowboy hat as I find you utterly irresistable in it!!

So there you go Carlos, finally, tomorrow we will be in each others arms where we belong. It's been a long time coming but it feels so right. I know we will be good together and that this is just the start of something wonderful.

See you tomorrow Carlos!!!


All my love Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A message from Carlos - he's worried!

He's worried. Yeah sure he is! Worried he is not going to get his money!!



Hello Sweetie,

How are you doing? I have not heard from you,i am so worried,please respond to me so that i can know what to do.Have a wonderful morning.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.