Oh Carlos, are you really staying in a brothel? How very dare you!!
Dear Carlos
Thank you for your recent emails. I have to say that I am extremely hurt that you should dare to question my love for you. Carlos, do I mean so little to you? I have stuck by you through all this and that is how you repay me? I am cut to the quick, my heart is in tatters.
Despite all this, despite your obvious mistrust and lack of faith in me, I once again called the number you gave me for the hotel. I double checked before I dialled to make sure it was correct. This was how the conversation went :
Me : Hello, can I speak to TESLIME NOUREDINE NDIAYE please?
Them : Pardon?
Me : can I speak to TESLIME NOUREDINE NDIAYE please?
Them : You wish make visit?
Me: Errmm no, I am phoning to pay an outstanding hotel bill.
Them : Cost 23,346.2 CFA for inside sex, 15,564.1 CFA for sucky and 11,673.1 CFA for hand
Me : I beg your pardon?
Them : That price list for servicings.
Me : No! I want to pay Mr Carlos Perez outstanding hotel bill.
Them : We no hotel. We sex house. You come stay. We lovely ladies. Good sexings.
Me : No thank you. I want to talk to the manager of La Raven Hotel. I need to pay a bill for my husband to be. His name is Carlos Perez
Them : No Carlos here. You want work here? You nice sexy lady? You nice clean lady bits?
Me : How dare you! I am soon to be married. Are you sure this is not La Raven?
Them : No La Raven here.
Me : Do you have a number for La Raven Hotel then please?
Them : You want make sex with lady?
Me : NO!!!
At this point I had had enough and hung up. I am so sorry to have to ask you this Carlos but are you infact staying at a brothel, a house of ill repute? The woman I spoke to was adamant that it was not a hotel and definately not La Raven. Are you absolutely sure you gave me the correct name and number Carlos? I have to admit I feel rather shaken up by all this . One part of me hopes it has all been a big mistake and you gave me the wromg number. What will I do if you really have been staying in a brothel? You could have caught some nasty disease or anything. Oh the shame. It's like something off Jeremy Kyle. Oh Carlos, I am all in a tizz now and have even had to have a glass of port to calm my nerves.
Please reply as soon as possible and let me know what the hell is going on.
Yours
Tess xxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment