Oh Carlos, are you really staying in a brothel? How very dare you!!
Dear Carlos
Thank you for your recent emails. I have to say that I am extremely hurt that you should dare to question my love for you. Carlos, do I mean so little to you? I have stuck by you through all this and that is how you repay me? I am cut to the quick, my heart is in tatters.
Despite all this, despite your obvious mistrust and lack of faith in me, I once again called the number you gave me for the hotel. I double checked before I dialled to make sure it was correct. This was how the conversation went :
Me : Hello, can I speak to TESLIME NOUREDINE NDIAYE please?
Them : Pardon?
Me : can I speak to TESLIME NOUREDINE NDIAYE please?
Them : You wish make visit?
Me: Errmm no, I am phoning to pay an outstanding hotel bill.
Them : Cost 23,346.2 CFA for inside sex, 15,564.1 CFA for sucky and 11,673.1 CFA for hand
Me : I beg your pardon?
Them : That price list for servicings.
Me : No! I want to pay Mr Carlos Perez outstanding hotel bill.
Them : We no hotel. We sex house. You come stay. We lovely ladies. Good sexings.
Me : No thank you. I want to talk to the manager of La Raven Hotel. I need to pay a bill for my husband to be. His name is Carlos Perez
Them : No Carlos here. You want work here? You nice sexy lady? You nice clean lady bits?
Me : How dare you! I am soon to be married. Are you sure this is not La Raven?
Them : No La Raven here.
Me : Do you have a number for La Raven Hotel then please?
Them : You want make sex with lady?
Me : NO!!!
At this point I had had enough and hung up. I am so sorry to have to ask you this Carlos but are you infact staying at a brothel, a house of ill repute? The woman I spoke to was adamant that it was not a hotel and definately not La Raven. Are you absolutely sure you gave me the correct name and number Carlos? I have to admit I feel rather shaken up by all this . One part of me hopes it has all been a big mistake and you gave me the wromg number. What will I do if you really have been staying in a brothel? You could have caught some nasty disease or anything. Oh the shame. It's like something off Jeremy Kyle. Oh Carlos, I am all in a tizz now and have even had to have a glass of port to calm my nerves.
Please reply as soon as possible and let me know what the hell is going on.
Yours
Tess xxxx
Showing posts with label Sengal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sengal. Show all posts
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
He's questioning my love for him - a message from Carlos.
How very dare he!! Carlos is questioning my love for him because I asked him to do a runner from the hotel. The cheek of the man!!
Hello Sweetie,
Thanks for your mail,i am happy that the church community dig you out of snow,this year weather is so terrible.The number i gave you is very correct you have to check what you are dialing to see if you are dialing the right number i gave you.Honey why do you suggest that i should run away over night? I can't do this i have to pay for whatever i use,i am not that type of a man will reap from someone's sweat i don't do that,by suggesting this, that means you are not ready to help me,why should i run to the airport without having my ticket on my hand? Honey this is not a good suggestion for me,i have to pay my hotel bill and get a return ticket back to the UK. this is our plan why are you trying to suggest another thing that wont work? I am a man that have fear of God irrespective of what i am passing through here. I have a question for you,does that mean you find it so difficult to help me pay my hotel bill? I explain to you about the present situation of this country and i have to leave here before the election time otherwise i will be in danger. Please do something about this so that i can go back. Honey do you really love me? I ask for your phone number and you didn't give me,please let me have your phone number if truly you love me. Looking forward to your mail.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.
Hello Sweetie,
Thanks for your mail,i am happy that the church community dig you out of snow,this year weather is so terrible.The number i gave you is very correct you have to check what you are dialing to see if you are dialing the right number i gave you.Honey why do you suggest that i should run away over night? I can't do this i have to pay for whatever i use,i am not that type of a man will reap from someone's sweat i don't do that,by suggesting this, that means you are not ready to help me,why should i run to the airport without having my ticket on my hand? Honey this is not a good suggestion for me,i have to pay my hotel bill and get a return ticket back to the UK. this is our plan why are you trying to suggest another thing that wont work? I am a man that have fear of God irrespective of what i am passing through here. I have a question for you,does that mean you find it so difficult to help me pay my hotel bill? I explain to you about the present situation of this country and i have to leave here before the election time otherwise i will be in danger. Please do something about this so that i can go back. Honey do you really love me? I ask for your phone number and you didn't give me,please let me have your phone number if truly you love me. Looking forward to your mail.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.
Thursday, 2 February 2012
A reply to Carlos.
A quick reply to Carlos telling him I am no longer flying out to see him :(
Dear Carlos.
I have just checked my emails before bed and it is a good job I did too. The situation out there sounds terrible so of course I will not fly out. I have cancelled my ticket and shall await your next email with more details.
Please do take care of yourself my darling and please contact me again as soon as possible.
All my love
Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I have just checked my emails before bed and it is a good job I did too. The situation out there sounds terrible so of course I will not fly out. I have cancelled my ticket and shall await your next email with more details.
Please do take care of yourself my darling and please contact me again as soon as possible.
All my love
Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A reply to Carlos - Humping dogs saved my life!
I thought I would let Carlos sweat for a bit! I wonder how he will feel about having a lunatic for a brother-in-law and the fact that I am about to turn up at his hotel and drag him back to England?
Hello Carlos my wonderful and understanding fiance.
Oh what a day monday turned out to be! I went for my hospital appointment at 9:30am like I told you. All is well with my stump. It's healed really well and within a few weeks I should be able to start wearing a false foot. I am thinking about having one with both our names inscribed on it. How romantic would that be eh Carlos?
Anyway after the hospital I made my way to the prison where my brother John is currently incarcerated. I do try to get to visit him as often as possible but haven't been for a while due to the pig/foot related incident. He was overjoyed to see me Carlos, he always is. He does love his little sister!! I told him all about you Carlos, how wonderful you are, how virile and Mexican. I was full of excitement about our upcoming wedding and told John all about my plans, me in my huge , floaty dress and you in your top hat and tails.
Well, what happened next was somewhat of a surprise! He became very very angry Carlos. John started hitting his fists against the table and saying that he hated you. "No greasy mexican man is taking my sister away from me." I was shocked! I asked him to calm down but he just got more and more irate. The next minute, he stood up and flung the table up in the air and started screaming that he was going to kill you! I tried to explain that I wouldn't be going anywhere and that you would come to live with me and that all woud be fine. Well Carlos, he was not having any of it! He went completely insane, throwing chairs and tables about and running around like a lunatic. He then made a lunge for me, grabbing me and dragging me into a corner shouting "You're mine! No-one is taking you away from me." I was terrified Carlos. He is my brother and I love him dearly but I was scared.
The prison guards ushered everyone else out of the visiting room and called for the govenor to come and try and resolve the situation. He sat and talked to him but he wouldn't let me go. He then started rambling on and on about the aliens again and how you were an alien and not really a mexican love god. He said he'd had a vision that you'd been sent to earth to mate with me and produce half alien half human babies that were destined to take over the world. He was saying such dreadful things. It was terrible to hear and upset me greatly. Well we sat there for hours and hours with him muttering on and on. Then the strangest thing happened. The one window in the visiting room looks out onto a large grassed area. Two dogs wandered across the grass, sniffing each other and playing a game of chase. Then as dogs often do, one mounted the other and started humping it! John saw this out of the corner of his eye and started to giggle. He let go of me, jumped up and ran to the window. "Look, dogs humping!" he shouted, laughing as he said it! That's the thing with humping dogs, you don't want to look but you are compelled to do so and I defy anyone not to laugh!! So, as John stood there giggling like a child, the guards managed to overpower him and drag me to safety. To say I was relieved was an understatement.
The guards were ever so nice to me. They made me a cup of tea and even gave me a bun to go with it. John now has to undergo a series of psychological assesments and may have to be moved to a top security phsychiatric institution for his own safety. I forgive him though and understand his jealousy as I am all he has left in the world. I do hope having a dangerous, mentally unstable brother in law won't put you off marrying me Carlos.
I was quite shaken up after the whole incident and have decided that I could do with a short holiday. So guess what Carlos? I have decided to kill two birds with one stone and come out to Senegal!! Yes Carlos, I am coming out there to be with you!! I have booked my plane ticket. I leave London Heathrow at 10:25am tomorrow and arrive in Dakar at 19:45. As I have the address of the hotel you are staying in, I shall make my way there to come and be with you!! I will pay your outstanding bill and then we can transfer back to the Raddisson Blu hotel that you were previously staying in as that sould much nicer. I thought I may stay for 5 days so we are both booked on the 10:17am flight back home on Thursday. I am just so excited Carlos. Finally we get to meet! I have printed off the pictures you sent me so I know who I am looking for! I really hope you will be wearing your cowboy hat as I find you utterly irresistable in it!!
So there you go Carlos, finally, tomorrow we will be in each others arms where we belong. It's been a long time coming but it feels so right. I know we will be good together and that this is just the start of something wonderful.
See you tomorrow Carlos!!!
All my love Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello Carlos my wonderful and understanding fiance.
Oh what a day monday turned out to be! I went for my hospital appointment at 9:30am like I told you. All is well with my stump. It's healed really well and within a few weeks I should be able to start wearing a false foot. I am thinking about having one with both our names inscribed on it. How romantic would that be eh Carlos?
Anyway after the hospital I made my way to the prison where my brother John is currently incarcerated. I do try to get to visit him as often as possible but haven't been for a while due to the pig/foot related incident. He was overjoyed to see me Carlos, he always is. He does love his little sister!! I told him all about you Carlos, how wonderful you are, how virile and Mexican. I was full of excitement about our upcoming wedding and told John all about my plans, me in my huge , floaty dress and you in your top hat and tails.
Well, what happened next was somewhat of a surprise! He became very very angry Carlos. John started hitting his fists against the table and saying that he hated you. "No greasy mexican man is taking my sister away from me." I was shocked! I asked him to calm down but he just got more and more irate. The next minute, he stood up and flung the table up in the air and started screaming that he was going to kill you! I tried to explain that I wouldn't be going anywhere and that you would come to live with me and that all woud be fine. Well Carlos, he was not having any of it! He went completely insane, throwing chairs and tables about and running around like a lunatic. He then made a lunge for me, grabbing me and dragging me into a corner shouting "You're mine! No-one is taking you away from me." I was terrified Carlos. He is my brother and I love him dearly but I was scared.
The prison guards ushered everyone else out of the visiting room and called for the govenor to come and try and resolve the situation. He sat and talked to him but he wouldn't let me go. He then started rambling on and on about the aliens again and how you were an alien and not really a mexican love god. He said he'd had a vision that you'd been sent to earth to mate with me and produce half alien half human babies that were destined to take over the world. He was saying such dreadful things. It was terrible to hear and upset me greatly. Well we sat there for hours and hours with him muttering on and on. Then the strangest thing happened. The one window in the visiting room looks out onto a large grassed area. Two dogs wandered across the grass, sniffing each other and playing a game of chase. Then as dogs often do, one mounted the other and started humping it! John saw this out of the corner of his eye and started to giggle. He let go of me, jumped up and ran to the window. "Look, dogs humping!" he shouted, laughing as he said it! That's the thing with humping dogs, you don't want to look but you are compelled to do so and I defy anyone not to laugh!! So, as John stood there giggling like a child, the guards managed to overpower him and drag me to safety. To say I was relieved was an understatement.
The guards were ever so nice to me. They made me a cup of tea and even gave me a bun to go with it. John now has to undergo a series of psychological assesments and may have to be moved to a top security phsychiatric institution for his own safety. I forgive him though and understand his jealousy as I am all he has left in the world. I do hope having a dangerous, mentally unstable brother in law won't put you off marrying me Carlos.
I was quite shaken up after the whole incident and have decided that I could do with a short holiday. So guess what Carlos? I have decided to kill two birds with one stone and come out to Senegal!! Yes Carlos, I am coming out there to be with you!! I have booked my plane ticket. I leave London Heathrow at 10:25am tomorrow and arrive in Dakar at 19:45. As I have the address of the hotel you are staying in, I shall make my way there to come and be with you!! I will pay your outstanding bill and then we can transfer back to the Raddisson Blu hotel that you were previously staying in as that sould much nicer. I thought I may stay for 5 days so we are both booked on the 10:17am flight back home on Thursday. I am just so excited Carlos. Finally we get to meet! I have printed off the pictures you sent me so I know who I am looking for! I really hope you will be wearing your cowboy hat as I find you utterly irresistable in it!!
So there you go Carlos, finally, tomorrow we will be in each others arms where we belong. It's been a long time coming but it feels so right. I know we will be good together and that this is just the start of something wonderful.
See you tomorrow Carlos!!!
All my love Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday, 30 January 2012
Oh Carlos! Don't try and make me feel guilty about possibly ruining your life and that of your non existant daughter! Send me the details of the hotel owners bank account - what's betting it needs to be paid by Western Union!! He's going to have a long wait!!
Hello Sweetie,
Thanks for your charming mail,i really enjoy reading it,i am more than happy to know you and i hope i will not regret knowing you,i am making a big sacrifice to abandon the project and come over to build our future together but if something go wrong with me along the line my life will be miserable and it might jeopardize the future of my daughter,please make sure you act as you said,as for me i will do all i can to be with you and spend the rest of my life with you,i am not getting younger neither you, we are mature enough to know all it takes to love. Sure my daughter will call you mummy,she really need someone who could be a good friend and mum to her,she always want her father to be happy she wouldn't like seeing her dad in any terrible situation.Don't mind about having one foot,i love you for whom you are.
I think wedding is a good plan which i dream of,wow i can't imaging myself dressing up on suit and putting on my hat,i think our marriage day will be a great day that we will never forget in our lives. Regarding the hotel,did i tell you that i changed hotel from RADISSON BLUE to La RAVEN after staying for 5 days, RADISSON BLUE is very expensive that is the reason why i left,i don't think La RAVEN is online, is a kind of low rate hotel someone took me their when i complain about the cost of RADISSON. Here is the address of the La RAVEN. (Rue 25,villa no:7 fass Medina Dakar Senegal)
I have disused with the hotel manager this morning that my wife is in process of clearing my bill so that i go back to the UK,so if you are ready he will provide me with his account details so that you can transfer the fund to him,i can't wait to be with you.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.
Thanks for your charming mail,i really enjoy reading it,i am more than happy to know you and i hope i will not regret knowing you,i am making a big sacrifice to abandon the project and come over to build our future together but if something go wrong with me along the line my life will be miserable and it might jeopardize the future of my daughter,please make sure you act as you said,as for me i will do all i can to be with you and spend the rest of my life with you,i am not getting younger neither you, we are mature enough to know all it takes to love. Sure my daughter will call you mummy,she really need someone who could be a good friend and mum to her,she always want her father to be happy she wouldn't like seeing her dad in any terrible situation.Don't mind about having one foot,i love you for whom you are.
I think wedding is a good plan which i dream of,wow i can't imaging myself dressing up on suit and putting on my hat,i think our marriage day will be a great day that we will never forget in our lives. Regarding the hotel,did i tell you that i changed hotel from RADISSON BLUE to La RAVEN after staying for 5 days, RADISSON BLUE is very expensive that is the reason why i left,i don't think La RAVEN is online, is a kind of low rate hotel someone took me their when i complain about the cost of RADISSON. Here is the address of the La RAVEN. (Rue 25,villa no:7 fass Medina Dakar Senegal)
I have disused with the hotel manager this morning that my wife is in process of clearing my bill so that i go back to the UK,so if you are ready he will provide me with his account details so that you can transfer the fund to him,i can't wait to be with you.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
A message to Carlos - a bit of culture.
My reply to Carlos, advising him on some of the local culture!
Hey Carlos baby!!
I just logged on to email you and you had beat me to it! I was overjoyed to hear from you again.
I am so glad you arrived safely and that everything is going to plan for you. It certainly is an expensive time for you Carlos. I do hope the company you will be working for will refund you the money you have had to spend. If not, I fear you will be seriously out of pocket.
So, besides the business side of your trip, have you managed to see any of the sights in Senegal? I hear the The IFAN Museum is an amazing place to visit should you find yourself with some free time. Lively, imaginative displays show masks and traditional dress across the region (including Mali, Guinea-Bissau, Benin and Nigeria) and provide an excellent overview of styles, without bombarding you with more than you can take in. The museum is a testimony to former President Senghor's interest in promoting African art and culture. You can also see beautiful fabrics and carvings, drums, musical instruments and agricultural tools. Sounds fantastic doesn't it Carlos? I do so like a bit of culture. I hope that when we are finally together, that our lives will include many trips to museums, galleries and lectures.
Right Carlos, it is late and I too need to sleep. I have had a busy day doing a charity custard bath for the sheep refuge ( I raised £78.67, two buttons and a couple of chocolate coins) and tomorrow I am meeting with some designers with a view to them fashioning some arms for my new venture.
Take care my darling sweet man. May tomorrow bring you love, luck and happiness in bucketfulls!
Your ever lovingand devoted Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey Carlos baby!!
I just logged on to email you and you had beat me to it! I was overjoyed to hear from you again.
I am so glad you arrived safely and that everything is going to plan for you. It certainly is an expensive time for you Carlos. I do hope the company you will be working for will refund you the money you have had to spend. If not, I fear you will be seriously out of pocket.
So, besides the business side of your trip, have you managed to see any of the sights in Senegal? I hear the The IFAN Museum is an amazing place to visit should you find yourself with some free time. Lively, imaginative displays show masks and traditional dress across the region (including Mali, Guinea-Bissau, Benin and Nigeria) and provide an excellent overview of styles, without bombarding you with more than you can take in. The museum is a testimony to former President Senghor's interest in promoting African art and culture. You can also see beautiful fabrics and carvings, drums, musical instruments and agricultural tools. Sounds fantastic doesn't it Carlos? I do so like a bit of culture. I hope that when we are finally together, that our lives will include many trips to museums, galleries and lectures.
Right Carlos, it is late and I too need to sleep. I have had a busy day doing a charity custard bath for the sheep refuge ( I raised £78.67, two buttons and a couple of chocolate coins) and tomorrow I am meeting with some designers with a view to them fashioning some arms for my new venture.
Take care my darling sweet man. May tomorrow bring you love, luck and happiness in bucketfulls!
Your ever lovingand devoted Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday, 16 January 2012
A reply to Carlos - Do be careful out there!
Well Carlos should be in Africa now, sorting out the paperwork for his contract. I do wonder how long it will be before he gets robbed, kidnapped or requires extra money to sort out his paperwork? He does seem to have forgotten about his poor daughter in all this too!!
Hi there Carlos my darling.
I am not sure when you will get this as by now you will be in Sengal. Congratulations on winning the contract!!
Sengal is such a long way away Carlos. How will we ever get to meet with such distance between us? Do you know how long your contract is? Weeks, months? And your poor daughter! How will she cope without her daddy for such a long time? Who is looking after her whilst you are away? I remember you telling me that her poor mother was dead as were your parents. I do hope you have someone trustworthy to look after her.
I do hope you take care out there Carlos. A strange country where you know no one and don't speak the language. You hear alsorts of awful tales of people getting robbed and kidnapped and of others trying to extort money from unsuspecting visitors. Even the officials are often corrupt and will try and extort money saying people have to pay for 'paperwork and licenses' etc.
Please do be careful Carlos. I shall not be able to settle until I know you are back on home turf and safe again. I was going to call you but as you are abroad I will wait until you get back or it will cost a fortune!!
Well my darling, please take care of yourself and I look forward to hearing that you have arrived back in England safely.
All my love
Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
PS, please be careful of the lions.
Hi there Carlos my darling.
I am not sure when you will get this as by now you will be in Sengal. Congratulations on winning the contract!!
Sengal is such a long way away Carlos. How will we ever get to meet with such distance between us? Do you know how long your contract is? Weeks, months? And your poor daughter! How will she cope without her daddy for such a long time? Who is looking after her whilst you are away? I remember you telling me that her poor mother was dead as were your parents. I do hope you have someone trustworthy to look after her.
I do hope you take care out there Carlos. A strange country where you know no one and don't speak the language. You hear alsorts of awful tales of people getting robbed and kidnapped and of others trying to extort money from unsuspecting visitors. Even the officials are often corrupt and will try and extort money saying people have to pay for 'paperwork and licenses' etc.
Please do be careful Carlos. I shall not be able to settle until I know you are back on home turf and safe again. I was going to call you but as you are abroad I will wait until you get back or it will cost a fortune!!
Well my darling, please take care of yourself and I look forward to hearing that you have arrived back in England safely.
All my love
Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
PS, please be careful of the lions.
Friday, 13 January 2012
Message two of three - Carlos has a new job and surprise surprise, it's in Africa!!
So, he has good news for me. He has won the contract and now has a new job in Sengal, Africa. Now there's a surprise! He has to go and sort out the 'paperwork'. Let me guess, something will go wrong. He'll either get robbed, need money for permits etc or have some other kind of drama that will need me to send him some money to get him out of his predicament! Poor, poor Carlos!!
Hey sweetie,
How are you today hope you doing fine? Thanks for your charming mail you are always in my mind,i cannot stay for a moment without thinking of you i know that our future will be great, i can't wait to be with you i am longing to meet you honey i have a good news for you the construction company P.R.O called me yesterday to notify me as the winner of the contract i am so happy and excited you really need to see how happy i am, this calls for celebration wish i could have you right in my arms now.I was ask to move to Senegal where the project will take place i was so sad because i haven't visited Africa and i know nothing about it,i will try to find out some information about Senegal,i have booked my air ticket so i will be traveling to Senegal on Sunday night i will only spend 7 days there to get all the necessary papers that will allow me to carry out the contract,as soon as i get all the papers i will fly back home immediately so that i can book my air ticket and come over to you,when i come to you we will talk about our future we can decide take care of yourself honey and i can't to read from you kisses my love.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.
Hey sweetie,
How are you today hope you doing fine? Thanks for your charming mail you are always in my mind,i cannot stay for a moment without thinking of you i know that our future will be great, i can't wait to be with you i am longing to meet you honey i have a good news for you the construction company P.R.O called me yesterday to notify me as the winner of the contract i am so happy and excited you really need to see how happy i am, this calls for celebration wish i could have you right in my arms now.I was ask to move to Senegal where the project will take place i was so sad because i haven't visited Africa and i know nothing about it,i will try to find out some information about Senegal,i have booked my air ticket so i will be traveling to Senegal on Sunday night i will only spend 7 days there to get all the necessary papers that will allow me to carry out the contract,as soon as i get all the papers i will fly back home immediately so that i can book my air ticket and come over to you,when i come to you we will talk about our future we can decide take care of yourself honey and i can't to read from you kisses my love.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.
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