He's hurt! - A message from Carlos.

Ooohhhh Carlos is getting tetchy now! He's hurt and thinks I am playing with him. The cheek of the  man! Hopefully I can keep him dangling a little while longer :)


Hello Sweetie,

From this i know that you are only playing with me i felt so hurt right now,you did not phone anybody the phone i gave you is the direct office phone number of the hotel manager,for me to believe that you are real give me your phone number so that i can speak with you. I gave you my number you never dare call me and you never give me your number what love do you have for me? No the country is calm go and OK your air ticket and come over since you are finding it so difficult to pay my hotel bill.Looking forward to your mail.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.

Carlos in a brothel? A message to Carlos.

Oh Carlos, are you really staying in a brothel? How very dare you!!


Dear Carlos


Thank you for your recent emails. I have to say that I am extremely hurt that you should dare to question my love for you. Carlos, do I mean so little to you? I have stuck by you through all this and that is how you repay me? I am cut to the quick, my heart is in tatters.

Despite all this, despite your obvious mistrust and lack of faith in me, I once again called the number you gave me for the hotel. I double checked before I dialled to make sure it was correct. This was how the conversation went :

Me : Hello, can I speak to TESLIME NOUREDINE NDIAYE please?

Them : Pardon?

Me : can I speak to TESLIME NOUREDINE NDIAYE please?

Them : You wish make visit?

Me: Errmm no, I am phoning to pay an outstanding hotel bill.

Them : Cost 23,346.2 CFA for inside sex,  15,564.1 CFA for sucky and 11,673.1 CFA for hand

Me : I beg your pardon?

Them : That price list for servicings.

Me : No! I want to pay Mr Carlos Perez outstanding hotel bill.

Them : We no hotel. We sex house. You come stay. We lovely ladies. Good sexings.

Me : No thank you. I want to talk to the manager of La Raven Hotel. I need to pay a bill for my husband to be. His name is Carlos Perez

Them : No Carlos here. You want work here? You nice sexy lady? You nice clean lady bits?

Me : How dare you! I am soon to be married. Are you sure this is not La Raven?

Them : No La Raven here.

Me : Do you have a number for La Raven Hotel then please?

Them : You want make sex with lady?

Me : NO!!!

At this point I had had enough and hung up.  I am so sorry to have to ask you this Carlos but are you infact staying at a brothel, a house of ill repute? The woman I spoke to was adamant that it was not a hotel and definately not La Raven. Are you absolutely sure you gave me the correct name and number Carlos? I have to admit I feel rather shaken up by all this . One part of me hopes it has all been a big mistake and you gave me the wromg number. What will I do if you really have been staying in a brothel? You could have caught some nasty disease or anything. Oh the shame. It's like something off Jeremy Kyle. Oh Carlos, I am all in a tizz now and have even had to have a glass of port to calm my nerves.

Please reply as soon as possible and let me know what the hell is going on.

Yours

Tess xxxx

Carlos wants to 'join me up' - a message from Carlos.

Carlos wants to 'join me up soon'. I am a bit worried that he may have some kind of wierd 'human centipede' type fetish going on. Should I bail out now or keep him hanging a little while longer? Oh go on then!!


Hello Sweetie,

How are you doing this morning? I assume you are doing great,honey please do something fast so that i can join you up soon,my life is wasting away here and the hotel manager is giving my tough time here,he want me to pay his money and check out of the hotel,honey this is taking too long,this is just a matter of you transferring the money to the hotel manager then i can leave here as soon as possible,have a wonderful morning.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.

A reply to Carlos.

A quick reply to Carlos telling him I am no longer flying out to see him :(

Dear Carlos.

I have just checked my emails before bed and it is a good job I did too. The situation out there sounds terrible so of course I will not fly out. I have cancelled my ticket and shall await your next email with more details.

Please do take care of yourself my darling and please contact me again as soon as possible.

All my love

Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A reply to Carlos - Humping dogs saved my life!

I thought I would let Carlos sweat for a bit! I wonder how he will feel about having a lunatic for a brother-in-law and the fact that I am about to turn up at his hotel and drag him back to England?




Hello Carlos my wonderful and understanding fiance.


Oh what a day monday turned out to be! I went for my hospital appointment at 9:30am like I told you. All is well with my stump. It's healed really well and within a few weeks I should be able to start wearing a false foot. I am thinking about having one with both our names inscribed on it. How romantic would that be eh Carlos?

Anyway after the hospital I made my way to the prison where my brother John is currently incarcerated. I do try to get to visit him as often as possible but haven't been for a while due to the pig/foot related incident. He was overjoyed to see me Carlos, he always is. He does love his little sister!! I told him all about you Carlos, how wonderful you are, how virile and Mexican. I was full of excitement about our upcoming wedding and told John all about my plans, me in my huge , floaty dress and you in your top hat and tails.

Well, what happened next was somewhat of a surprise! He became very very angry Carlos. John started hitting his fists against the table and saying that he hated you. "No greasy mexican man is taking my sister away from me." I was shocked! I asked him to calm down but he just got more and more irate. The next minute, he stood up and flung the table up in the air and started screaming that he was going to kill you! I tried to explain that I wouldn't be going anywhere and that you would come to live with me and that all woud be fine. Well Carlos, he was not having any of it! He went completely insane, throwing chairs and tables about and running around like a lunatic. He then made a lunge for me, grabbing me and dragging me into a corner shouting "You're mine! No-one is taking you away from me." I was terrified Carlos. He is my brother and I love him dearly but I was scared.

The prison guards ushered everyone else out of the visiting room and called for the govenor to come and try and resolve the situation. He sat and talked to him but he wouldn't let me go. He then started rambling on and on about the aliens again and how you were an alien and not really a mexican love god. He said he'd had a vision that you'd been sent to earth to mate with me and produce half alien half human babies that were destined to take over the world. He was saying such dreadful things. It was terrible to hear and upset me greatly. Well we sat there for hours and hours with him muttering on and on. Then the strangest thing happened. The one window in the visiting room looks out onto a large grassed area. Two dogs wandered across the grass, sniffing each other and playing a game of chase. Then as dogs often do, one mounted the other and started humping it! John saw this out  of the corner of his eye and started to giggle. He let go of me, jumped up and ran to the window. "Look, dogs humping!" he shouted, laughing as he said it! That's the thing with humping dogs, you don't want to look but you are compelled to do so and I defy anyone not to laugh!! So, as John stood there giggling like a child, the guards managed to overpower him and drag me to safety. To say I was relieved was an understatement.

The guards were ever so nice to me. They made me a cup of tea and even gave me a bun to go with it. John now has to undergo a series of psychological assesments and may have to be moved to a top security  phsychiatric institution for his own safety. I forgive him though and understand his jealousy as I am all he has left in the world. I do hope having a dangerous, mentally unstable brother in law won't put you off marrying me Carlos.

I was quite shaken up after the whole incident and have decided that I could do with a short holiday. So guess what Carlos? I have decided to kill two birds with one stone and come out to Senegal!!  Yes Carlos, I am coming out there to be with you!!  I have booked my plane ticket. I leave London Heathrow at 10:25am tomorrow and arrive in Dakar at 19:45. As I have the address of the hotel you are staying in, I shall make my way there to come and be with you!! I will pay your outstanding bill and then we can transfer back to the Raddisson Blu hotel that you were previously staying in as that sould much nicer. I thought I may stay for 5 days so we are both booked on the  10:17am flight back home on Thursday. I am just so excited Carlos. Finally we get to meet! I have printed off the pictures you sent me so I know who I am looking for! I really hope you will be wearing your cowboy hat as I find you utterly irresistable in it!!

So there you go Carlos, finally, tomorrow we will be in each others arms where we belong. It's been a long time coming but it feels so right. I know we will be good together and that this is just the start of something wonderful.

See you tomorrow Carlos!!!


All my love Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A message from Carlos - he's worried!

He's worried. Yeah sure he is! Worried he is not going to get his money!!



Hello Sweetie,

How are you doing? I have not heard from you,i am so worried,please respond to me so that i can know what to do.Have a wonderful morning.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.

A reply to Carlos - I need the hotel address

I am so excited about marrying Carlos, I can hardly contain myself!  He does need to send me the full address of the hotel he is staying in or I cannot authorise payment of his outstanding bill. Let's see what excuse he comes up with.

Good evening my sweet, darling, soon to be husband.

I was absolutely overjoyed to read that you wish to marry me!! Oh Carlos, I simply cannot tell you how happy I am. You have made me the happiest woman alive. I would jump for joy but seeing as I only have one  foot, I shall have to make do with a rather large, crutch assisted hop instead! Still, it's the thought that counts isn't it?

As you can see, I now have a new keyboard :) I am so glad you managed to understand my last message.

I have never thought that  you were the lazy type  Carlos. I would never entertain a realtionship with someone who was lazy or just after me for my money. I know you are a hard working and trustworthy man Carlos and that is just one of the reasons I love you. I cannot wait until we are together, husband and wife, a proper family with your angel of a daughter. Do you think she will want to call me mummy?

I have so many plans for our wedding. I wish it to be a truely lavish affair with white horses and ladies in floaty frocks playing  harps and violins. You will look handsome and virile in your suit and top hat and I shall look like a fairytale princess on crutches. Oh Carlos, it will be a day to remember for the rest of our lives.

Anyway, back to more pressing matters. To enable me to pay your outstanding hotel bill and arrange your return flight to the UK, I need the full postal address of the hotel you are staying in. I did a quick google search but it didn't show any hotels called La Raven in Senegal. Are you sure you gave me the correct details? It is important that I have this information for my business records as my accountant has to keep track of my outgoings for tax purposes. I am sure you understand this Carlos as you are a clever and business minded man yourself. As soon as you send me this correct information I can then authorise the payment and we will have you back home in no time!

I must sleep now my darling as it is late. Tomorrow I have a hospital appointment and I am going to visit my dear brother John in prison. I can't wait to tell him all about our impending nuptuals. It's just all so very exciting!

Sleep well my darling and send me the hotel information as soon as possible please.

All my love and devotion

Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Guess who's getting married?!! - A message from Carlos!

Oh the joys!! Carlos has agreed to marry me! I do wonder if he knows what he is getting himself into here. He's finally agreed to allow me to pay his hotel bill. One problem, a quick google search doesn't bring up any results for said hotel and he didn't provide me with an address for it either. For a relatively clever scammer, he doesn't always thinks things through properly!


Hey Sweetie,

Thanks for your mail the content was clearly understood,i can see that your key board has broken because there are so many missing alphabet but i did manage to understand all you said,i am recovery from my cold because i took some pills,regarding the account issue that i made mention of London,i worked with Kain Construction for almost 6 months in London so during that period i lived in London and have an account set up in Barclay's bank but unfortunate i empty everything and the other  account i have here in Chesterfield,i have nothing left on it so everything is zero.

I have been thinking about my situation after reading your mail because losing that huge amount that i have spent will jeopardize my future,i don't want to be a burden to you,i am not a lazy type i work out so much,i have a daughter who need my help so i should put all my responsibility on you? I want you to know that i love you so much that is why i am fighting hard to meet you,i can't refuse your offer because you are working hard to rescue me from this situation that i am facing

Will you marry me? The answer to the question is YES You are not a fool it is good to always open up and say our mind so that we can know how to handle any situation that might arise,i so much like your openness and boldness,i can't be devoting my time for something that will not work out,i so much and willing to get married for us to live together and share every moment together,i must confess to you i have not had this kind of feelings for anyone you really touch my heart,i have made up my mind  now to come over as you promise to share everything with me,by the way how will you assist me to pay the hotel bill? Here is info of the hotel

Hotel Name:  LA RAVEN

Name of the Manager:TESLIME NOUREDINE NDIAYE

His office direct line:+221301074783

Here is my Full Names: PEREZ  CARLOS

You can go ahead and book the air ticket so that i can come back to the UK as soon as possible,i am missing you terribly and i want to be with you,the feelings we have for each other are so strong and when we meet soon God will help us through, how was your weekend? for me i did not have much to do this people actually set me back with the account issue and  which i was not expecting but in all i have learnt to give thanks to God.for he's everything and he delighted in giving praise in any situation.He has played a big role in our getting to meet, our love for each other our understanding and commitment to each other.I know it is very hard on me right now but i do believe somehow God will see me through,I truly appreciate your love and support.Have a wonderful night.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.

A mssag to Carlos - MARRY M!

I continue to ignore Carlos's request for the money to set up the African bank account.  Instead, I decide to propose to him! I do hope he can read the mssag as my 'E' ky has brokn!!


Good aftrnoon my darling swt Carlos

It was lovly to har from you onc again. I hop you can mang to rad this mail ok. The 'E' ky has brokn on my kyboard so until I can manag to gt to th shops and buy a nw kyboard I am afraid that my mssags may b rathr hard to rad. I will try to gt to th local computr stor as soon as possibl but my mobility scootr battry nds charging so I am not sur I can gt thr in tim today.

Anyway, how is your cold? I do hop th mdicin you bought is working it's magic and that you ar on th mnd. I hat to think of you out thr by yourslf, fling so ill. You rally do nd m to look aftr you don't you Carlos?

I just nd to clarify somthing Carlos. You liv in Chstrfild ys? You hav told m this on many occasions so I  know that I am not imagining it. So, why did you say in your last mail that you account is in London and rfr to coming back to London? I am a little confusd now. I am also concrnd about your poor daughtr. Sh has bn without hr daddy for almost 2 wks now and must be so vry worrid about you. Plas Carlos, lt m snd you a plan ticket so you can just com hom to us whr you should b. I can't s why you won't do this. I thought you lovd m Carlos? I offr to hlp you yt  you put obstacls at vry turn.

I am going to b vry bold now Carlos. I know this may come as a bit of a shock to you but I lov you so much. Carlos, I simply ador you. No on has vr had such an ffct on m. I hav nvr lovd anyon in the way that I lov you. I cannot imagine my lif without you in it so I nd to ask you somthing.

CARLOS - WILL YOU MARRY M?

I nd you in my lif forvr. Ys, som may call me a crazy fool (specially Mr T), but I don't car. Lif is for living Carlos. Th vnts of lat have shown m that you nd to grab your happinss when you can and not lt opportunitis pass you by. I want you to com back to the UK, forgt about th contract and MARRY M!!! Plas don't worry about mony or crass things lik that. I will provid for us both. My businsss ar doing wll and financially I am comfortabl. I want to shar my lif and vrything I hav with you Carlos. Plas think about what I hav said. I don't xpct an answr straight away but don't kp m waiting too long.

Oh Carlos, I fl so vry happy right now. Mrs Tss Prz, it has quit a ring to it. Or of cours, you could always bcom Mr Carlos Tickl!! The choic is yours.

Right, I apprciat that that must hav com as a bit of a surpris so I will lav you to pondr my offr.

I lov you Carlos, always and forvr


Tss xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx