Snowed in with broken internets ~ a message to Carlos

He's been patient so I thought I'd send him a quick reply. I am snowed in and going nowhere including the bank!!

Hello my gorgeous husband to be!!


Sorry for not being in touch with you for a few days. It has been a complete nightmare here! I don't know if you have managed to see the news for the UK but we have been hit by the most terrible weather. Here in Slutsbury~in~Gussett we had the most unbelevable snow storm I have ever experienced. The sheer intensity and volume of snow broke the internets. The poles holding it up were brought crashing down, damaging the cables and making the internets well and truely broken. The phone lines were also damaged so I have had no contact with the outside world for 3 days now.

The villiage in which I live is down in a valley so we were hit very hard by the snow rolling down the hills and gathering at the bottom. My house is a large detached house with no immediate neighbours so i was very isolated. I soon became completely snowed in. The snow reached up above the ground floor windows in massive drifts and I couldn't get out of the house. Even if I could have escaped, I woudn't have got very far with my missing foot. Oh Carlos, I was so scared. Snowed in, all alone and with no form of contact available to me.

I wrote a note and put it in an envelope tied to a loop of string which I managed to hook round the neck of one of the sheep in my garden by leaning out of the upstairs window and using one of my crutches as a kind of fishing rod. But Carlos, as much as I love sheep, they are dumb creatures and the stupid animal just stood there instead of going for help. I suppose I cant blame the sheep really. After all, it's not a carrier pigeon is it? Thankfully I had enough food in the house to see me through so have managed to eat and keep warm. This morning, at long last, the internets have been fixed so my first thought was to contact you. I am still snowed in so can't get anywhere at the moment which is a pain. Hopefully either the snow will melt or someone will come and dig me out soon.


Take care Carlos and I shall be in touch soon

All my love

Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

May I have your attention please? A message from Carlos.

Carlos is getting impatient. He wants my constant attention as well as my money!!

Hello Sweetie,

How are you doing this wonderful Sunday? I have not heard from you,please always give me your attention so that i can always know what to do here,i am facing hell here,i wish you you help me with some money to set up the account everything would have be over by now,please help em to pay the hotel bill and get me a ticket to return back to the UK so that we can plan our life together. Terrible things are happening here and i am not safe i have to leave here soon.I can't wait to see you,have a wonderful night.
Love and kisses,a
Carlos.

A message from Carlos - his life is in danger.

How very fortuitous for Carlos that there are riots in Senegal. He couldn't have timed it better really could he?  So, his life is in danger and he needs me to bail him out!  He's going to have a long wait! Ooh Iam a hard hearted bitch!

Hello Sweetie,

Thanks for your quick response,Senegal is not a safe place now due to ongoing riot,all the embassies are warning their citizen to avoid traveling to Senegal throughout this month because the election will take place on 26th of this month and a lots of things may happen,honey i am afraid now because it seems my life is in danger so i do like to leave here now,please do something about quickly about my hotel bill and my air ticket so that i can go back to the UK. I told the hotel manager that my wife promise to send the money to his account and this morning he said he has given me enough time,i must pay my bill and check out,honey it seems that i am joking with him you know  African mentality is too low,please save me from this embarrassment.I can't wait to be with you.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.   

A reply to Carlos.

A quick reply to Carlos telling him I am no longer flying out to see him :(

Dear Carlos.

I have just checked my emails before bed and it is a good job I did too. The situation out there sounds terrible so of course I will not fly out. I have cancelled my ticket and shall await your next email with more details.

Please do take care of yourself my darling and please contact me again as soon as possible.

All my love

Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I predict a riot - a reply from Carlos.

Oh dear. There seems to be riots in Sengal due to  President Abdoulaye Wade's announcement he would seek a third term, which the opposition says is unconstitutional. Bad timing for me to visit? Carlos thinks so. How very convenient for him!



Hello Sweetie,

This is just a short notice and i will write later tonight,you shouldn't  have to come here because is not safe there is ongoing riot in Dakar now i am always indoor now because the riot has claimed the life of so many people so cancel your air ticket. Here is the link of some of the things that is happening here...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-16830678


http://www.pretorianews.co.za/social-inequalities-fuel-anti-wade-protests-1.1226224


http://www.capitalfm.co.ke/news/2012/01/riots-in-senegal-as-wade-cleared-for-third-term-bid/


Go through all this link and know what is happening here,so just go and cancel your air ticket right away.I am in danger here no movement.I will mail you later.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.

A reply to Carlos - Humping dogs saved my life!

I thought I would let Carlos sweat for a bit! I wonder how he will feel about having a lunatic for a brother-in-law and the fact that I am about to turn up at his hotel and drag him back to England?




Hello Carlos my wonderful and understanding fiance.


Oh what a day monday turned out to be! I went for my hospital appointment at 9:30am like I told you. All is well with my stump. It's healed really well and within a few weeks I should be able to start wearing a false foot. I am thinking about having one with both our names inscribed on it. How romantic would that be eh Carlos?

Anyway after the hospital I made my way to the prison where my brother John is currently incarcerated. I do try to get to visit him as often as possible but haven't been for a while due to the pig/foot related incident. He was overjoyed to see me Carlos, he always is. He does love his little sister!! I told him all about you Carlos, how wonderful you are, how virile and Mexican. I was full of excitement about our upcoming wedding and told John all about my plans, me in my huge , floaty dress and you in your top hat and tails.

Well, what happened next was somewhat of a surprise! He became very very angry Carlos. John started hitting his fists against the table and saying that he hated you. "No greasy mexican man is taking my sister away from me." I was shocked! I asked him to calm down but he just got more and more irate. The next minute, he stood up and flung the table up in the air and started screaming that he was going to kill you! I tried to explain that I wouldn't be going anywhere and that you would come to live with me and that all woud be fine. Well Carlos, he was not having any of it! He went completely insane, throwing chairs and tables about and running around like a lunatic. He then made a lunge for me, grabbing me and dragging me into a corner shouting "You're mine! No-one is taking you away from me." I was terrified Carlos. He is my brother and I love him dearly but I was scared.

The prison guards ushered everyone else out of the visiting room and called for the govenor to come and try and resolve the situation. He sat and talked to him but he wouldn't let me go. He then started rambling on and on about the aliens again and how you were an alien and not really a mexican love god. He said he'd had a vision that you'd been sent to earth to mate with me and produce half alien half human babies that were destined to take over the world. He was saying such dreadful things. It was terrible to hear and upset me greatly. Well we sat there for hours and hours with him muttering on and on. Then the strangest thing happened. The one window in the visiting room looks out onto a large grassed area. Two dogs wandered across the grass, sniffing each other and playing a game of chase. Then as dogs often do, one mounted the other and started humping it! John saw this out  of the corner of his eye and started to giggle. He let go of me, jumped up and ran to the window. "Look, dogs humping!" he shouted, laughing as he said it! That's the thing with humping dogs, you don't want to look but you are compelled to do so and I defy anyone not to laugh!! So, as John stood there giggling like a child, the guards managed to overpower him and drag me to safety. To say I was relieved was an understatement.

The guards were ever so nice to me. They made me a cup of tea and even gave me a bun to go with it. John now has to undergo a series of psychological assesments and may have to be moved to a top security  phsychiatric institution for his own safety. I forgive him though and understand his jealousy as I am all he has left in the world. I do hope having a dangerous, mentally unstable brother in law won't put you off marrying me Carlos.

I was quite shaken up after the whole incident and have decided that I could do with a short holiday. So guess what Carlos? I have decided to kill two birds with one stone and come out to Senegal!!  Yes Carlos, I am coming out there to be with you!!  I have booked my plane ticket. I leave London Heathrow at 10:25am tomorrow and arrive in Dakar at 19:45. As I have the address of the hotel you are staying in, I shall make my way there to come and be with you!! I will pay your outstanding bill and then we can transfer back to the Raddisson Blu hotel that you were previously staying in as that sould much nicer. I thought I may stay for 5 days so we are both booked on the  10:17am flight back home on Thursday. I am just so excited Carlos. Finally we get to meet! I have printed off the pictures you sent me so I know who I am looking for! I really hope you will be wearing your cowboy hat as I find you utterly irresistable in it!!

So there you go Carlos, finally, tomorrow we will be in each others arms where we belong. It's been a long time coming but it feels so right. I know we will be good together and that this is just the start of something wonderful.

See you tomorrow Carlos!!!


All my love Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A message from Carlos - he's worried!

He's worried. Yeah sure he is! Worried he is not going to get his money!!



Hello Sweetie,

How are you doing? I have not heard from you,i am so worried,please respond to me so that i can know what to do.Have a wonderful morning.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.