I thought I had better reply to Carlos and wish him a Happy New Year after him being so keen and all that. I enquire about his job hunting and tell him all about my least favourite job as an armpit sniffer!
Carlos, my darling Carlos!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
I sincerely hope that 2012 will bring you love, luck and happiness in abundance! 2011 wasn't the best year for me, especially considering the pig and foot incident but on the plus side, I did find you! I have a feeling that my life will just get better and better from now on. I now have the love of a good man (you) whom I hope to meet sometime in the very near future and a new business that is already taking the artificial limb world by storm, can it get any better?
So Carlos, have you had any luck on the job front yet? You did say you were waiting to hear about one but that was a while ago. Any news yet? I am sure a man with your handsome Mexican good looks and virile nature could easily find work as a male model. Would you ever consider becoming a model? I have a friend with an interest in nude and fetish photography who is always looking for new subjects. I could put a good word in for you if you like? You may be required to wear stockings and lipstick but the pay is good.
I have had some strange jobs in my time Carlos! I think the worst one has to be the year I spent as quality control in a deoderant factory. We had a variety of people of all shapes and sizes, ages and social status who would come to us to help test the products. First they had to shower then go to the spray room. Their armpits were sprayed with the relevant deoderant and they were then sent to be dressed. They were then made to undergo a series of activities such as vigerous exercise, sauna room, dancing to wild ska music or half an hour under a sun bed. They were then required to strip and were sent to me in the sniffing parlour (or snifferarium as I affectionately called it!) My job was to take a thorough sniff of their armpits to asses whether the deoderant was up to scratch. I had to give each person marks out of ten for odour, wetness and marks on their clothes. Each one was a blind test so I had no idea which spray had been used. Sometimes as a joke, if a particularily heafty man would participate, the sprayers would just spray him with water under his arms so by the time he got to me, he would stink to high heaven. Now some people may find that attractive in a man but not me. I am not some kind of pervert or deviant!! One of my fellow sniffers used to get very excited when smelling the pungent armpits of elderly ladies. He got the sack eventually when the bosses spotted the webcam he had hooked up in the snifferaruim. Oh dear! It takes all sorts I suppose!!
Did I tell you about my surprise Xmas present from my friends? A group of my close friends had a bit of a whip round and bought me a mobility scooter as a present. Isn't that kind? I can't have my new foot fitted until my leg has healed properly which may be some months yet. So now I whizz round town on my 'StumpMobile'!! They even had it pimped up for me!! It is bright metalic purple and in neon pink letters down the sides it says 'StumpMobile'. It is covered in silver stars and even has an airhorn fitted that plays 'Stomp' by the legendary pop group Steps! Whilst not being a massive Steps fan, Stomp was the nearest tune they could get to stump so I appreciate the sentiment. I feel I am truley blessed to have such amazing friends.
Right Carlos, the torrential rain has now stopped here in Slutsbury so I am off for a whizz round town. I really hope to hear from you soon my darling and hope your next mail brings good news on the job front for you.
All my love to you Carlos
From your devoted stumpy Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
PS Do you know anyone who would like to buy a job lot of womens left shoes?
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