A message to Carlos - The StumpMobile!

I thought I had better reply to Carlos and wish him a Happy New Year after him being so keen and all that. I enquire about his job hunting and tell him all about my least favourite job as an armpit sniffer!


Carlos, my darling Carlos!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I sincerely hope that 2012 will bring you love, luck and happiness in abundance! 2011 wasn't the best year for me, especially considering the pig and foot incident but on the plus side, I did find you! I have a feeling that my life will just get better and better from now on. I now have the love of a good man (you) whom I  hope to meet sometime in the very near future and a new business that is already taking the artificial limb world by storm, can it get any better?

So Carlos, have you had any luck on the job front yet? You did say you were waiting to hear about one but that was a while ago. Any news yet? I am sure a man with your handsome Mexican good looks and virile nature could easily find work as a male model. Would you ever consider becoming a model? I have a friend with an interest in nude and fetish photography who is always looking for new subjects. I could put a good word in for you if you like? You may be required to wear stockings and lipstick but the pay is good.

I have had some strange jobs in my time Carlos! I think the worst one has to be the year I spent as quality control in a deoderant factory. We had a variety of people of all shapes and sizes, ages and social status who would come to us to help test the products. First they had to shower then go to the spray room. Their armpits were sprayed with the relevant deoderant and they were then sent to be dressed. They were then made to undergo a series of activities such as vigerous exercise, sauna room, dancing to wild ska music or half an hour under a sun bed. They were then required to strip and were sent to me in the sniffing parlour (or snifferarium as I affectionately called it!) My job was to take a thorough sniff of their armpits to asses whether the deoderant  was up to scratch. I had to give each person marks out of ten for  odour, wetness and marks on their clothes. Each one was a blind test so I had no idea which spray had been used. Sometimes as a joke, if a particularily heafty man would participate, the sprayers would just spray him with water under his arms so by the time he got to me, he would stink to high heaven. Now some people may find that attractive in a man but not me. I am not some kind of pervert or deviant!! One of my fellow sniffers used to get very excited when smelling the pungent armpits of elderly ladies. He got the sack eventually when the bosses spotted the webcam he had hooked up in the snifferaruim. Oh dear! It takes all sorts I suppose!!

Did I tell you about my surprise Xmas present from my friends? A group of my close friends had a bit of a whip round and bought me a mobility scooter as a present. Isn't that kind? I can't have my new foot fitted until my leg has healed properly which may be some months yet. So now I whizz round town on my 'StumpMobile'!! They even had it pimped up for me!! It is bright metalic purple and in neon pink letters down the sides it says 'StumpMobile'. It is covered in silver stars and even has an airhorn fitted that plays 'Stomp' by the legendary pop group Steps! Whilst not being a massive Steps fan, Stomp was the nearest tune they could get to stump so I appreciate the sentiment. I feel I am truley blessed to have such amazing friends.

Right Carlos, the torrential rain has now stopped here in Slutsbury so I am off for a whizz round town. I really hope to hear from you soon my darling and hope your next mail brings good news on the job front for you.

All my love to you Carlos

From your devoted stumpy Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS Do you know anyone who would like to buy a job lot of  womens left shoes?

A reply to Carlos - Fetish Fun!!

Carlos likes nice things like birds, animals and soft furnishings. Do you think he can possibly love a deviant like me?

Dearest darling Carlos

Many many thanks for your wonderful email. You make my heart skip in my more than ample chest every time I hear from you. I am so glad that you are such an understanding man and that the fact that I have a murderer for a brother (all be it unintentional) did not put you off.  I feel I have  found someone truely special in you Carlos.

I am surprised that you haven't heard of Grimesthorpe Carlos. It did hit the headlines a few years ago after an incident that I was involved in. It doesn't give me any pleasure to have to tell you about this but it is better to hear it from me than from anyone else. Please be reassured that I am now a changed woman and look back at that time with a deep sense of shame and regret. I just hope you can find it in that big Mexican heart of yours to forgive me. I was weak Carlos, weak! Please try not to judge me.

5 years ago, myself and my boyfriend at the time took over Grimesthorpe Working Mens club for the night. We decided that the Grimeys (our local name for people living in Grimesthorpe) needed a bit of spice in our lives and we wanted to run a Fetish Night. First we had to promote it. Now my boyfriend was working as an indoor water furniture maintainace worker (public toilet cleaner) and he drew a lovely flyer on a piece of toilet roll, inbetween cleaning the pans and refilling the condom machine. Good job we still used that good old shiny stuff here in Grimey!! In his lunch break, he took it down to the Post Office and got old Mrs. Shunkle to photocopy it for him. Not bad at 2p a copy either. Her eyesight wasn't what it used to be and she misread fetish for Fattish and immediately wanted to sign up for the new slimmers club!! What's she like eh?!

Anyway, I got Mark (my boyfriend)  to put the flyers up everywhere including the church notice board. You should've seen the vicars face when he realised it was on same night as his whist drive. Jealous or what??!! Everything was planned down the last detail. Soapy Jon and his Domme Ms Rub brought a  St Andrews cross, eeeehbah and his Domme Ms Gum fetched their kneeler an myself and Mark brought the rest of the equipment. When we got there, our local Wheel Tappers and Shunters club were just on their last turn of the night. The was a lovely man called Charlie Witherdick who made everyone laugh with his jokes about chicken innards and allotment sheds. We decided to get changed in the back room while old Charlie did his oncore (something about woggles and big brothers that I didn't quite understand) As I squeezed into my tight pvc catsuit I noticed that Mark's rubber outfit could do with bit of a buff because it was looking a bit dull. Having forgoten his rubber buffer I soon spotted a tub of old Mrs Stevensons finest dripping and set Mark to work. It really did shine up a treat I can tell you!  He looked lovely!!

The compere from the Wheel Tappers announced that we were taking over for the night and we set to work on the satge. It looked wonderful once we'd set all the equipiment up and the good folks of Grimey stared to drift in. Wanting to make most of it, I got Mark strapped on to the kneeler straight away, is rubber clad backside stuck out like a big shiney euphonium! eeeeehbaaah{Gum} was fixed on the St Andrews cross and soapy{Rub} was being dragged around on a dog lead.

In came Brenda, our resident TV, tottering about in some clippy cloppy high heels she'd got from the charity shop for £3.99 the day before. She was followed by Mr and Mrs Tingle and their twins Veronica and Vernon who were looking for the Whist Drive. Mrs Shunkle from the Post Office pottered in clutching her low calorie cup-a-soup and muttering about folks wearing them weird plastic weightloss sweat suits.

The night was well and truely underway when disaster struck!! Loads of people started to drift in wearing flat caps, leading skinny little dogs on leads. It turned out that club secretary had double booked and the local Flat Cap n Whippet society had turned up! Honestly! It wasn't that kind of whips we were wanting!! That's when it all went wrong!! Mark was wriggling his backside ready for me to give it a right good spanking when Mr Fox's champion runner sudenly launched himself on him. He climbed on top of  poor Mark and stared to lick him to death. I think it must've been the dripping! We couldn't move him and poor Mark ended up covered in dog slaver and smelling of chum! In the chaos, Brenda tripped on her heels and landed on the bingo ball machine and got his bottom wedged in it. Mrs Shunkle thought it was some new fangled weighing machine and tried to climb in too. Oh what a performance!! There were dogs everywhere and bits of broken St Andrews cross all over the room.

Well it goes without saying that we were banned from there and an undercover reporter who had come along posing as a leather gimp took great delight in exposing the whole story to the media. I was taken aside by the parish council who insisted that I leave Grimesthorpe as soon as possible, even offering to pay my removal costs to get rid of me. I had no choice but to leave and that's when I ended up living in Slutsbury-in-Gussett.

I look back at that time in my life and feel nothing but shame Carlos. Could you ever find it in your heart to love a woman like me? I have many failings Carlos, I am mere flesh and blood, a woman of passion and desire who needs a good man to take me in hand. Could it be you? Please Carlos, give it some serious thought.

I long for your next email

All my love and desire

Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS Top or bottom?

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