A message from Carlos Pam Ayres has made me romantic!

Wow! A long and detailed email from Carlos today. It's scary how he actually reads what I tell him! I am so relieved that he is not embarrassed about my talk of lady parts lol! I'm quite concerned about Carlos though as he appears to be physically different from other humans. He has more than one heart! "my heart they beat so fast". Poor Carlos. He'd better take it easy.

Hi sweetie,

How are you doing today hope fine? You just told me you had a mishap that landed you at the hospital ,i am so sorry about that i think you need to be very careful when cooking and get things done properly i really wish i was around to help you get few things done. I was a bit worried when i didn't get to read from you,but its alright at least i got to read from you which i consider very important.
You can tell me more about your boiler been broken lol, that is tough babe its cold right now you really need to get that done fast, have you hosted the dinner or you were about to do that? i didn't get that straight, more so babe i love more of Pizza to hummus, i think i love the magaritta Italian type of it, meanwhile i think you really spend time in the kitchen babe mmmmmmm, that's good honey i can't wait to have that taste of delicious meal from you, it will be great to watch you do that in the kitchen.

One of the things that has really amazed me about you was the fact that you are a very hardworking woman and guess what i love that dearly, it is good for one to have a romantic life and be committed to he or she does, i do think you are a perfect woman for me, we'll definitely get to meet soon babe and we can move on with our greater future.you have really touched my heart in a unique way, your mentality and understanding about relationship is something i cherish so much, honey at my age i can't be that embarrassed about you telling me about your intimate lady parts. i really wish i was there watch you do that,you are a very funny person and i can tell you that i am enjoying every moment with you, each mail from you has really hit me so good and i want to read from you again and again,honey love is strong and yet delicate, i was reading the mails we' ve exchange and all i could say was getting to meet you was a great privilege for me and i want to hold on to that for the rest of my life.
Honey in all things we just have to be thankful to God , probably he knew that will happen why that same day the engineer hath to come, just give thanks to God babe i really hope you are getting better now and you're using your drugs as prescribe by the doctor, i couldn't believe my angel fell on a marble and was there for 2 and half hours, I'm sorry about that babe, i guess one of the reason why we need to get together on time so we can get things done the way it ought to be.

mmmmmmmmmmm Pam Ayres i think she's a good writer and a broadcaster and i think since you made that recomendation babe i think i need to read more of her poem, i think i can now figure our why you were more romantic, and fun to be with and i can tell again and again honey i truly want to continue this awesome moment with you continue till we finally meet.

You know sweetie i wish dream were like wishes, and wishes came true, cause in my dreams i'm always with you,you know i read one of  Elizabeth Bowen poem and she says when you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.i can't just deny this feelings i have for you in my heart.you are such a pretty woman and i tend to spend the rest of my life with you pronouncing you will love me.honey there are many things i wanted to say, but i think words alone are not enough to really express how much i care for you,i just truly hope you can see through my mail, my heart they beat so fast longing to be with you.take care of yourself for me babe and always remember that this man loves you with all his heart.kisses all over you.
Have a wonderful and pleasant Sunday.
Love and kisses,
Carlos.

A message to Carlos - Deadly chickpeas and Pam Ayres.

I hate hummus!!!!


My darling Carlos.

I do apologise for my delay in replying to your last email. I had a bit of a mishap on wednesday morning which landed me in hospital until this morning. Sometime I think I must be the unluckiest person alive! It's a good job I have a positive outlook on life or I would have had a breakdown by now!

My heating boiler had broken so my house was rather cold. I had called the engineer on Tuesday and made an appointment for the following afternoon so I wasn't overly concerned. Wednesday evening I was hosting a dinner party for some potential new business connections so made an early start on the food preparation. Dips always go down well at such soiree's so I decided to make some hummus. Do you like hummus Carlos? In light of what has happened, I don't think I shall ever eat it again. Anyway, I gathered the chickpeas, tahini, garlic, lemon juice and oil and set to work. As I was putting the chickpeas into the blender a couple escaped and dropped to  the floor. I thought, "I'll pick those up later." and that my dear, was a near fatal error of judgement. I made the hummus which it galls me to say was utterly delicious and then made a start on some Mexican bean pasta (always reminds me of you when I eat that!!). I spent the next hour or so cooking this and that and then decided it was time for a bit of pampering.

Thankfully, in light of my recent pig related accident, I have a downstairs bathroom so off I popped to do a bit of intimate hair removal and the likes. First I put on a clay face mask, the type that dries hard and makes you look like ghost then got the hair removing wax out.  I balanced on the side of the bath and put the hot wax on my legs and lady bits! (hope that doesn't embarrass you Carlos, me talking about my most intimate lady parts) I needed to let the wax set a bit before applying the strips and ripping it off so I hobbled back into the kitchen on my crutches to get a quick drink before my face pack set too hard.  By this time I had completely forgotten about the chickpeas that had fallen to the floor earlier and unfortunately, one of my crutches made contact with them. The crutch slipped on the chickpeas and sent me flying across the kitchen floor in a move reminiscent Ann Widdecombe doing her very best on Strictly come dancing. I landed face down on the floor and thankfully didn't hurt myself. Now this was when it all became a bit tricky.

I have a beautiful, Italian marble tiled floor in the kitchen. Have you ever felt marble Carlos? It is notorious for it's icey cold touch and the tiles in my kitchen were even more so due to the lack of heating with the boiler being broken. As my exposed, wax covered flesh made contact with the tiles, the wax quickly changed temperture and began to set. Since my previous accident with the pigs, I am obviously not as mobile as I used to be so was struggling to get myself back up off the floor. My crutches had both gone sliding across the floor when I fell and were out of my reach. As I tried to pull myself up, I encountered a great deal of resistance. Carlos, the wax had set and I was stuck to the floor! I couldn't move the lower half of my body, my lady garden being firmly stuck to the tiles. I tried and tried but alas, all my efforts were in vain. All I could do was lay there, hoping that maybe a kindly neighbour would hear my cries for help and come to my rescue.

I laid there for 2 and a half hours in the cold with nothing but the Greatest Poems of Pam Ayres as chosen and read by Janet Street Porter on Radio 4 for company. I had forgotten what a work of utter genius "I wish I'd looked after me teeth" is!!  Then my saviour arrived in the form of the boiler engineer. Thankfully he heard my cries for help and saw me laid prostrate on the Italian marble, backside in the air and a face that made me look like an extra from Casper the friendly ghost!. He rushed in and cleverly used my hair dryer to melt the wax and free me from my embarrassment. He was such a dear and insisted that I go to hospital for a check up as by now, my skin was red raw and I was suffering from mild hypothermia. The hospital staf were amazing and kept me in until the morning to make sure I was fully recovered. The boiler man, bless him, went back to the house and sorted the boiler for me. I told him to help himself to the hummus as I felt physically sick at the thought of eating it now.

So Carlos, I am back home now a little sore and with a bruised ego but doing ok.  I hope your trip is continuing to be fruitful and that you are not making yourself too tired. If you  need to relax and switch off at the end of a busy day, I can thoroughly reccommend reading a bit of Pam Ayres. She truely is a lyrical genius!

Hope to  hear from you soon my darling.

Love  and kisses a plenty from your darling Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A love poem for Carlos!!

As my darling Carlos has been making such an effort lately, I thought I'd write him a little poem. I hope he likes it!!

Dearest darling Carlos.

I cannot stop thinking about you today. Thoughts of you occupy my every waking moment. I feel so consumed with love for you that I wrote you a little poem. I do hope you like it. Maybe you could write me one back? That would mean so much to me.

Carlos you fill me full of desire
I am just so glad that you're not a liar
So many men just can't be trusted
They leave me sad, lonely and disgusted.

Some will say they love you true
When really, all they want to do
Is treat you bad and break your heart
But you've been truthfull from the start.

I'm glad to have a Mexican lover
You are mine, there is no other
You and me to the end of time
A love so true, it is sublime.

And when I hobble into your arms
And have a feel of your Mexican charms
Your lovely face I'll look up to
And tell you Carlos, I LOVE YOU!

Missing you dreafully

Yours forever

Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx