A reply to Carlos - Anal probing?

I thought I'd tell Carlos a bit about my family and my parents tragic accidental death. I hope my brother doesn't put him off!!


Good evening gorgeous Carlos!

What a true delight it was to hear from you again. So many men on these dating sites are so insincere and just play games. At last it seems I have found one who is honest and true - you Carlos!!

I shall tell you a bit more about myself now I feel I can trust you.

I grew up in a small northern town called Grimesthorpe. Have you ever been there Carlos? There was me, my parents and my older brother John. John was always a bit of a strange one. Growing up he did strange things. He would shave hamsters and forced feed dry rice to budgies to watch them explode. His excuse was always the same, 'they made me do it'. Who 'they' were was to become  known in the most horrendous and tragic of circumstances.

One September day in 1992. John went to visit our parents. He was agitated and rambling on about aliens and spaceships and anal probing. He said that 'they' were coming and none of us would be safe unless we wore his (yet untested) alien repelling head gear. These contraptions consisted of a metal colander with various wires attached. He was so worried for our parents safety that he tied them both to kitchen chairs and made them wear the colander hats. He plugged the hats into an extention cable that was running along the kitchen floor and said they had nothing to worry about as they would now be completely safe. The hats actually were safe as his knowledge of electrics wasn't very good and he hadn't wired them up properly so no current reached their heads!!  He then came to my house to collect me and take me back to my parents house (he wanted to keep us all safe together). Just as we stepped through the door (at this point I had no idea my parents were captive) we heard our incontinent Yorkshire Terrier dog,  Chip barking like crazy. In his excitement to see us, he ran across the extention lead and emptied his baldder right on top of the plugs!! This caused a short circuit and the shock travelled up the wires and tragically electrocuted both my parents. I tried in vain to resucitate them but to no avail. The ambulance came as did the police and John was arrested for manslaughter. I did try and explain about the aliens and the dog but the police and subsequently the judge didn't take much notice and he was sentenced to life in prison.

I do go and visit him as often as I can as I know he didn't mean to do it, it was just a tragic accident. I do miss my parents so very very much and to this day I cannot drain my vegetables in a colander without it bringing a tear to my eye. So, for all intent and purpose, I am pretty much alone in the world. Carlos, oh Carlos, I long for someone to love me, someone to fill the void in my life and make me happy again. Do you think it could be you?

I look forward to hearing from you again soon Carlos. I think I have found someone special at long last :)

All my love

Tess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS Have you ever experienced anal probing?

A reply from Carlos - he appears to have moved again!

Well according to Carlos, he was brought up in London but now that has changed to Chesterfield. He initially said he lived in Maidenhead, then London  but now he lives thousands of miles away. Make yer mind up Carlos!! Still, he has already developed feelings for me so maybe I shouldn't be too judgemental.

Hello Tess,

Nice to receive your email,never will i think that you are so forward i like someone who always express his/her thought,you are not the only one who say i am good looking,i like dressing on cowboy hat,that is my best way of dressing. I grew up in Chesterfield near Nottingham where i spend most of my life. Yes my life is so full of grief but i have to keep my past behind and move on with my life,i am tired of loneliness that is why i am looking for a soul mate,a companion whom i will spend the rest of my life with,every man need someone to love and beloved that is why i am ever ready to make the sacrifice to find that woman,i hope it will be you,despite that we have not met i am having strong feelings for you,i know that you posses most of the attributes that every man will ever look for in a woman. I think you will find me a real man who will keep you satisfied and love you unconditionally.

 I am looking for a serious relationship and a soul mate which may lead to a future secure relationship.I have been a widow for the past 3 years,i have  6 years old  daughter living with me.I am a person who likes to give love, attention, kindness. I like reading, listening music, daydreaming i love traveling discovering new places, new people, new traditions .I am looking for a woman that is caring fun to be around,she must be Adaptable, Adventurous, Attractive, Caring, Communicative and Generous.Well Babe just to give you a little bit insight about me I was brought up in a family that teaches me to respect people and be loyal to their feelings.

I must say i am glad about my parents because of their upbringing and here I am. The question is, will you be able to fall for a soul mate of yours who is thousands of miles away from you and if yes then I am ready for you despite the distance. I promise you that whatever it takes I would not do anything to hurt you because I wasn't brought up in such a way.I am a homely person and I love cleanliness, I love to cook for my woman and entertain her in what so ever ways. As I have said earlier I have a very open and sweet personality. You got to know me to see these qualities,my pics attached,you can see my daughter beside me.Looking forward to your mail.
Take care & have a wonderful night,
Carlos.

My reply to Carlos - are you good with beans?

Do you think he will realise that I am  flirting with him?


Good afternoon Carlos

Thank you so much for your email and photo. I hope you don't think I am being to forward if I say that you are an exceptionally good looking man Carlos!  That cowboy hat makes you look so strong,  masculine and virile. I don't suppose you have the leather chaps and stirrups to go with it do you? It's been a long time fantsay of mine to be taken by a man dressed as a cowboy and be ridden like the crazy wild woman that I am! Oh Carlos, you've brought a smile to my face and a damp patch to my knickers!! If you do have any other photos of yourself, particularily dressed in cowboy gear I would love to see them!

I see you grew up in London - whereabouts? I am further north in a small villiage called Slutsbury-in-Gussett. I have lived here most of my life. It's a nice enough place but can get a bit boring at times.

I was sorry to read about your parents dying and then your dear wife. You must be so  full of grief my dear. At least you still have your daughter. She must be such a blessing to you. But you must get lonely and long for the sweet touch of a good (or bad) woman. We all need human interaction and affection, non more so than me. I long for a strong, passionate man to take me in his arms and  ........  oooh maybe I am gettting a little bit carried away here Carlos. I can't help it, it's your gorgeous picture that's doing it to me!!

Anyway, a bit more about me. I too am widowed but will tell you more about that another time as it's all quite painfull. I have my own business and I shall tell you more about that at some point too. You can't be too careful can you?

What I am seeking is a man, a real man, one who can keep me satisfied and love me for the person I am. I may not be perfect but I am a nice person and need a man to love. Could that be your Carlos?

I hope to hear from you soon.

Lots of love from Tess xxxxxxxxx

PS Being half Mexican, does that mean you are good with 'beans'?

A reply from Carlos, the half Mexican widow

Carlos replied relatively quickly and surprise surprise, both his parents are dead and so is his wife!! He's not noticed my name being bollocks just like his story!!


Hello Tess,

Thanks for your prompt reply. Let me give you a short introduction about myself. My name is Carlos 49 years old widow,i am Civil Engineer. My father was a Mexican while my mum was a British,i was born and brought up in London. I am the only child of my parents,i lost my father 10 years ago and i also lost my mum 5 years ago,it's really a sad experience to lost our beloved ones. I have a wonderful daughter whom i call little angel. my beloved wife died of cancer 3 years ago,She was fighting on it for more than 7 years but now,she loose the battle,it was  really a sad experience to me.

I am looking for someone that is not only beautiful outside but inside too, someone with great personality, someone that will be there for me when I need her, like I will be there for her too. Someone I will share the rest of my life with. I am very loving, caring, Understanding, Romantic, Honest and Kind. I am looking for a long-term relationship and maybe more in to marriage. Please tell me about yourself and don't forget to send me your picture.My picture enclose. Looking forward to your mail.
Carlos.

My first reply to Carlos

I decided to reply to Carlos as he just looked such a hunk in his cowboy hat, I was powerless to resist. My name this time is Tess - last name Tickle. :)

Hello Carlos

Thank you so much for the message on the dating site. It was great to hear from you.

Would you care to tell me a bit more about yourself please?

I love your picture. You are a very good looking man. That cowboy hat certainly give you an air of masculinity!

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best wishes

Tess

The first message from Carlos

This is the initial  message I received from Carlos on the dating site. He's already moved cities from Maidenhead to London.  I am a bit worried that he thinks I may be his 'missing bone'! 

Hello Dear,

Good day to you. I am Carlos, 49 years old, living in London,if you don't mind i will like to know you much better,i came on line to search for a true love,for my missing bone,I will appreciate it if you give a good responds by contacting me directly on my mail id: carlos***@*****com

Looking forward to your mail,

My Regards

Carlos.

Carlos Perez

This is Carlos Perez!   *Swoon*   What a virile hunk of a man he is! According to his dating site profile he is 49, Lives in Maidenhead, Berkshire, is widowed and has a young daughter. He says about himself :

I am an easy going person, caring, loving, cool, calm, kind, generous, faithful, honest, discipline, humble, God fearing and I'm more interested in happiness than not. I try to remain as humble as possible.that i can. I love children, love to laugh and joke, keep things light and count my blessing. I don't drink, but don't hold it against any one who does, It's their choice and I don't judge them, just want them to be themselves. Let's talk. But at this point in my life I'm waiting for the total package, a companion, friend and a loving woman to come my way for a life time .

And about the woman he seeks:

I would love someone who is fun to be around, likes to laugh, joke around, enjoy being outdoors going for long romantic walks, enjoys looking at the stars at night, and watching the sun set and rise over the ocean. I am looking for someone that enjoys the simple things in life, just as I do.. I would like to meet someone special that I can grow old with, and that we can always look into each other's eyes and know that the love between us is just as wonderful and exciting as the day we met. I want to love a woman for who she as been and good, and let her know just how much she means to me, by the little things I do or say to make her feel special. While at the same time she treats me in the same way...with love and respect I'm really looking for Someone Honest, Caring, Romantic, Kind, Posses Great Sense of Humor, Understanding, Intelligent, Respectful and Trust Worthy.I am a person who looks beyond what may be the obvious. Character is worth more than flashiness. I am a person who appreciates honesty .

He sounds like such a catch!! What am I waiting for?!!